“I’ll start that _____”

Once again, I found myself saying that I would start something on a certain date rather than just doing it. The last time, I wanted to start a diet but it was mid-week. At first, I said I would start on Monday and then I realized that Monday never comes. Monday becomes “next week”, then “the first of the month”, then “No, I mean it, next Monday” and nothing is accomplished.

Since my last attempt at NaNo didn’t turn out so well due to life interrupting, I planned to start on 4/1. NaNo is a month long challenge to write 50,000 words in a month.  Why do I have to start on 4/1?  Why can’t I start on 3/30 and set a deadline of 4/28?

It seems to me that our society likes things neat and tidy.  Most of the time, you start a new job, a diet, or any new routine on Monday or the first of the month.  Are you waiting to do something?  Why not start today?

First assignment complete!

My first writing assignment was to write a character study.  My first attempt was decent, but knowing that we will have to incorporate this character into a future story, I took another stab at it.

Thomas Morris is a great character, well fleshed out (in my opinion) but I’m not sure what story he has to tell.  Someday, he’ll make an appearance somewhere, but not right this minute.

I wound up doing my character study about Kiera, the MC in the flash fiction piece I posted last week.  There was nothing in the requirements that stated I couldn’t write about a character who has come into my head and seems to be haunting me right now.  After I receive my assignment back, I will post her background here.

While I wait to hear back, I’m going to begin writing some more character studies.  I’ve spent some time this week with a notebook close at hand.  Every time a person catches my eye, I whip out the notebook and write down as much as I can about them.  I think it’ll be fun to bring those notes to life!

“An Unlikely Mommy”

Thanks to the writing course that I’m taking, I am revisiting romance novels. I wouldn’t say that I was turned off from the passionate, intense love scenes of the romances my mom read, but it became something I’m not big into reading about at the point in my life. Last weekend, I picked up four of the Harlequin American Romance novels figuring it would be a few weeks before I finished them.

Last night, about 10:30, I sat down and opened “An Unlikely Mommy” by Tanya Michaels. “Just a couple of chapters,” I told myself. At 2 a.m., just as Khaila woke up for whatever reason, I closed the book, finished.

As a budding writer, it was interesting to see how Ms. Michaels introduced the characters, how she allowed the reader to form an image of them. There was only one “true” love scene in the book and that was done very well. Enough was described be sure the reader had no doubt what they were doing, but it wasn’t overdone. Through the rest of the book, the emotions that Ronnie and Jason felt for each other and about life in general were very well described.

At this point in my life, I’d much rather read about couples falling in love than about couples making love. This book gave me that. Also, I found myself laughing out loud several times when little Emily’s antics were being discussed. You could tell the book was written by someone who had first-hand knowledge of a toddler’s world!

Adventures in Potty Training

Well, we’re doing it. We’re trying (again) to potty train Khaila. She got some training pants from Nana and Pop-Pop for Easter and I figured yesterday was a good day to start. My mom had Khaila for the day, so I didn’t have to worry about the first day being at the sitter’s house.

It’s been touch and go, she’s still trying to make the connect between “I have to go” and getting to the potty. It’s heartbreaking when she has an accident because she gets so upset. She immediately starts a meltdown of epic proportions and crying, “I’m sorry mommy, I’m sorry!” as she runs to the bathroom. If feel bad about it, but at the same time, I’m glad in a way. She knows that she had an accident, and every time she tries harder to get to the potty. This morning, she made it into the bathroom and peed as daddy was pulling off the training pants to get her on the potty!

We tried Pullups in the past. To her, they were diapers that looked like undies and it didn’t phase her to go in them. Sure, she’d tell us right after she did it, but she knew they ended up in the garbage. We tried regular panties, hoping she wouldn’t want to go in them, that didn’t work either.  Sure, she knew she peed, but it became an awful mess on the carpets!

I was finally able to find training pants (thanks to Nana telling me that she had found them) at Walmart.  Silly me, I was looking for them by the underwear.  Helpful hint, if you’re looking, they’re with the onesies and receiving blankets.  They’re made by Gerber, so they’re with the rest of the Gerber stuff.  I also found ONE pack of vinyl covers so the “excess” doesn’t wind up all over the floor.

Not much success today, but we’ll keep trying.  Any parents who have successfully done this, tips would be appreciated!

WAHM Success and Failure

When I tried working from home before, it didn’t work well for me.  I was too easily distracted, too easily swayed by the hazel eyes of a toddler begging to play, to willing to accept, “All done, YEAH!” from the toddler as she pushed in my keyboard tray.  Frustrated and alone, I went back to work.  I had hit a slow time for transcription, Christmas was coming, and my dad’s words about winding up in the poorhouse resonated in my head.

I’m sure many women have the financial need to work combined with the desire to be home more with their children.  When I work outside the home, I want to be home more.  When I work from home, I feel like I’m not accomplishing anything, I miss adult interaction, and that cute-as-a-button child starts to wear on my last nerve as the minutes fall off the clock, my deadline getting closer.  Since going back to work, I’ve often wondered if I could have made working from home something I was good at, if I caved too easily.

Today, thanks to my boss changing my schedule without asking me and without telling me (he faxed it to the store at 11pm last night), Khaila is at daycare and I’ve managed to get stuff done!  Files seem to be flying out of my queue (and I think my fingers may fall off), my dishes are done, one load of laundry is done, and unless they dispatch more, I’ll be out of work within the hour!

Days like today make me think that I did give up too easily.  I didn’t look for a way to make it work.  I thought that the only way to successfully work from home was to do it with a toddler under-foot.   When I think back to my original decision to work from home, it wasn’t that I couldn’t bear to be away from my daughter.  I love her, but I personally think it’s okay to not spend every waking moment with her.  My issue was having a work situation where my supervisor would say things like, “The time may come when you have to choose…” as I was being lectured about missing work because of a virus or ear infection.  My boss didn’t understand why I couldn’t take Khaila to daycare when she had a virus AND a 103 fever.

If I was to do this again, I think this is the way.  I may talk to my contacts and see if they plan on the workload staying where it is, and just might think about working from home again.  But this time, Khaila will be in school (either pre-school or Montessori) while I work, I can do the housework on my breaks (no way I can type for hours upon hours straight through), and then I can enjoy my family time in the evening without worrying about the dishes, laundry, etc.  Maybe that is what success would mean for me!

Holidays are a Drain!

I love my family.  I love spending time with them.  I absolutely hate the entire “holiday hoopla” that surrounds many gatherings of the entire family.  Luckily, Easter is a relatively small holiday in the sense that we pick one segment of the family to celebrate with and don’t worry about the others.

Today, we woke up early.  Khaila found her Easter basket, played with her new Playdoh, and enjoyed the first course of Easter breakfast, Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs.  By 9:00, I went in to wake up my husband, the man who hates to get up and can’t shower without sitting down “just in case” he has to do his morning business (I’ll never understand this, I KNOW when I have to go to the bathroom, there’s no “just in case”) .  I start course two of breakfast, blueberry muffins.

Somehow, all of my pantyhose are wrecked, runs, rips, etc.  Where do you buy pantyhose in a town of 5,000 on Easter morning?  I leave Rick to start getting ready and keep an eye on Khaila while I run to the gas station, praying they have something.  They don’t.  Next, I’m off to the grocery store.  SCORE!  An entire wall of pantyhose!!!!  I get in line and my drunk neighbor (well, not drunk at 9:30 in the morning, she was on her morning beer run) is in front of me.  Luckily, she lets me go ahead of her since I have two things and she has a six pack of beer, three cases of soda, and munchies.  I truly think everyone who hosted Easter at their house was in the store this morning.

I get home to find an un-showered  husband, a toddler having a meltdown because she has to put away the Playdoh, and a stain on the shirt that I’m sure I checked last night. Yes, I was going to wear my new dress, but that’s a completely different story.  I get Khaila dressed, fight her tooth and nail on doing her hair (“Mommy, I don’t WANT pretties!!!”), start dressing myself as Rick finally gets in the shower.  By this point, I don’t care if he has plenty of time to get ready and go one block to the church, I’m ticked!  I’m muttering under my breath about how we’re always late to everything and I just can’t deal with this again.

Then it happens, Khaila’s shoe is missing!  I know I checked the closet yesterday and they were both there.  I’m sure that girl has some super-top-secret shoe hiding place and in a few years, I’ll find all the missing shoes!  It’s 10:18 and we are supposed to be at the church by 10:30.  I’m frantic, crying, “How can I be a good mother if I can’t even find a damned shoe???” as I run through the house throwing every toy out of her toybox, opening and closing every drawer.  At 10:29, I find the shoe.  It’s on the dining room table!  Why didn’t I think to look for a dress shoe on the table before now?  Isn’t that where they belong??

We get to church at 10:42, three minutes to spare before Pastor Jo begins.  To get to the sanctuary, we had to walk up the choir-lined stairwell.  My daughter is the sweetheart of the choir thanks to being Nana’s frequent companion on Sunday mornings.  Then Khaila sees her Nana.  Why on earth didn’t I sneak up the other stairwell?  Now I am wrestling a wiggling, whining toddler  past her Nana, certain that I’ve achieved “bad mommy” status for the morning.

Church starts.  Pastor Jo begins from the back of the sanctuary instead of from the altar.  Khaila sees her and feels the need to tell everyone where she is.  The choir comes in.  Have I mentioned my daughter’s special status with the choir?  As they walk past, she reaches out to Nana as if to say, “Save me, take me with you!”

With the exception of Khaila wanting to flirt with one of the choir members during the Children’s sermon, the rest of church was uneventful.

After church it was time for dinner at Old Country Buffet.  We knew it was a bad sign when the parking lot was full and the line was out the door.  We stood outside for about 20 minutes, about 15 more inside waiting to be seated.  Many, many meltdowns while we waited.  She knew there was food inside and the evil adults wouldn’t let her have any.  She wanted to walk, no, she wanted to get up, no, not daddy, she wanted mommy.  “No, mommy’s no good, want Pop-Pop, no, he won’t let me run, want Nana.  Nana won’t let me run, maybe Natey will.”  I was praying for hard liquor by the time we could see the front of the line.

Daddy loaded up a plate with all of her favorite foods.  She wanted NONE of them.  Finally, she ate a roll off my plate.  Then the potatoes off my plate.  Then she wanted peaches.  The ONE buffet in the world with no canned peaches, and we’re having a toddler meltdown.  It was after naptime, she was overstimulated and made sure everyone knew!  God bless Nana for taking her back to great grandma’s house so we could finish eating in peace and she could sleep.

I really do love my family.  I love my daughter.  I just can’t wait until she’s old enough to get through one holiday without melting down!

The Internet is the Devil!

I sit down to write and somehow that pesky Firefox window opens within minutes.  I open my transcription audio program, open a fresh document so I can make some money, and there’s Firefox again.  If I could get rid of the internet, I could get so much more done!

Wait, that won’t work.   Without internet, I can’t download my transcription files or send them back.  I can’t research names of medications and streets so I don’t look like a fool for spelling mistakes.  I can’t return the completed files so I can eventually collect a paycheck for them.

I have four files left to do tonight and if I don’t get to it, they won’t get done.  The downside is that I’m not soley relying on my transcription income, so I don’t feel the same pressure.  I really need to get motivated so I can start saving up some money.

Saying Goodbye

The snow was finally melting and the birds had returned from their winter in a warmer climate. The last thing Kiera Colby wanted to hear were the melodic tones of a bird sitting on her window sill. She had hoped the snow would last forever, just as it was the last time she said goodbye to her husband, Brady.

Kiera had only ever loved one man. She and Brady had been married less than a week after she turned eighteen. While they had their ups and downs just as any couple does, their passion didn’t fade over time. When he would walk into the bar where she worked, her eyes looked like ice blue diamonds. Every night, he would stop by just to tell her how much he loved her.

The spark was gone from her eyes, they had turned to an ashy gray after he had been killed by a drunk driver two weeks before Christmas. Every morning, she rolled away from the window, praying that if she didn’t acknowledge the sun, it wouldn’t rise. This morning, she cursed that blasted bird peering in at her. “Singing is for happy times, I’m in no mood for happy.” She sneered at the bird as she threw a pillow at the window to scare him away.

She rolled out of bed and staggered to the bathroom. Once, she had been consumed with keeping her long, chocolate brown hair perfectly styled. Now, it was all she could do to pull it into a ponytail as she ran out the door. She missed having Brady there to help her get their daughter off to school. “Mommy, is today the day daddy comes home?” Ashley would ask every single morning as Kiera combed her hair.

“No honey, daddy isn’t coming home. He’s in heaven now, with Jesus and Grandpa Joe.” Kiera fought back tears as she tried to help her five year old understand that daddy wasn’t on a business trip. “Why did you have to leave us?” she silently pleaded as she dressed Ashley and made breakfast.

It was the first warm day since November and Kiera decided it was time for a break. She called the school and told them Ashley wasn’t feeling well, called the bar and told them she wouldn’t be in. The only person who knew their plans was Kiera’s mom. “Hi mom, it’s me. You won’t have to watch Ashley tonight. I called in and I think we’re going to go for a drive today.” Her mom didn’t answer, but she would understand when she heard the message.

Kiera packed the truck with snacks, drinks, and the picnic blanket Brady bought when they first started dating. She was going to take Ashley to the lake that held so many great memories for their family. While Ashley napped, Kiera was going to spread Brady’s ashes where she knew he’d want to spend eternity.

It was at Lake Como that Brady had proposed to Kiera. Brady had rented a beautiful log cabin for the weekend. When Kiera woke up on Sunday morning, Brady was nowhere to be found. She peered through the trees and saw a silhouette sitting at the end of the pier. The silence was deafening as she sat next to him, her long legs dangling into the water.

“Kiera,” he barely turned to her as he spoke, “Things have been so crazy lately. You’re getting ready to start college, I just got a new job, and we’ve both been trying to figure out how to make this work.” He stared into the distance as if he was trying to see the first sign of the sun rising over the horizon. Kiera was nervous, fearful that he had decided they weren’t going to be able to manage a long distance relationship. “Brady, don’t –”

He turned to her, startled. “Kiera Elizabeth Ashby, I love you with all of my heart. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, midnight blue box, “There’s only one way that I see us moving on, and that’s together. Will you spend the rest of your life with me?”

Kiera was too shocked to respond. She stared at the quarter carat solitaire, sobbing. Finally, after what seemed like an hour to Brady, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “Yes, yes!”

As they pulled into the driveway of the log cabin, Kiera wiped away her tears. Ashley was sound asleep in her booster seat. She rolled down the window, turned off the engine, and silently exited the vehicle. No one would be renting the cabin for another month, so she felt safe leaving Ashley to sleep. When she woke, Kiera planned to show her the cabin and tell her what an amazing, romantic man her father was.

Kiera grabbed the urn and tried to enjoy one last walk down to the lake with her husband. As she removed the lid, she gently tipped the urn allowing the breeze to begin to scatter Brady’s ashes along the shore. “I love you. I will always love you. I’m not saying goodbye to you, just making sure that you’ll always be in a happy place.” She fell to the muddy shoreline, uncontrollably wailing, as the last of the ashes were emptied. “This will forever be our place.”

My Silly Girl

Almost Done!

The dress is almost done! I have to clip some threads and make some minor alterations, but other than that, it’s ready to go for Easter. It feels good to say that I have something completed. Yeah, I could say that it’s not complete, but I equate it to finishing the first draft of a manuscript. I’m taking a moment to enjoy this stage of completion before I edit it.

Pattern: McCalls 9456 ($8.99)
Fabric: 2 5/8 yards of purple eyelet ($16.92)
Total Cost: $27.34 with tax