It’s time for my contribution to the May blog chain. This month is unthemed which always makes it interesting. Auria got the chain started by discussing someone she knew who was lying. From there, the next link was FreshHell discussing a former friend and the different truths that are provided by knowing someone in certain circumstances. The link directly before mine is Polyspace, where Kathleen discusses dealing with hateful feelings.
When I first started my blog, I chose “For the First Time” as my title because of where I was in life at the time. I was desperately trying to find myself. I felt lost in being a mother, daughter, sister, friend, and wanted to find myself. “For the First Time” was also the name of my first (and currently collecting dust) work in progress.
Writing became therapy to me. I’m not sure that story is something I could ever share with the world. I started living my life through the main character. Her pain was my own very real pain. As I wrote, I started to see very traumatic times in my life. For the first time, I was dealing with them in my own way. My parents’ divorce and the effect it had on me as an adult child. A bad breakup with my first love, who I didn’t get over for a very long time. My feelings of inadequacy as a mother. My desire to be so much more than I have achieved to this point in my life.
There was bitterness on every page of that story. The funny thing is, since I realized that and stopped writing it, life has gotten better. It’s as though I needed to get it out of my system and let it go. By placing those memories into a fictional story I had done that. Sitting down at my computer brought a peace and calm to my life that I never truly had before I started writing.
Journaling is something I was never very good at. When I would read my words, it felt as though I was throwing a pity party for myself. I’m not sure if it’s healthy to deal with life’s issues this way, but it seems to be working. I’ve long said that everything that goes wrong in life is a step closer to things going right, but now, I feel like I’m better at living by those words.
Next up in the chain is Family on Bikes.
I actually had something similar to this with a crap-novel I started writing in college. The point where it got turned off was in Budapest when I went out for a walk after dinner, got lost on the way back to the hospital and ended up running around the battlements of a circa-14th-century castle, first by twilight, then by streetlight, finally finding the enormous portcullis that marked the front gate when it seemed like I’d never get out (Budapest is an interesting place). The castle is probably much smaller than I remember it, but I had no idea where I was, which made it seem endless. The stuff that had inspired the writing felt pretty insignificant after that.
Comment by Samuel Tinianow — May 12, 2008 @ 10:05 pm |
I can completely understand this…in my current work in progress, I’ve injected so much of myself into my MC that she is sometimes tough, even painful, to write. But the story is so emotionally rich, I hope it will be being my best work so far. Good post!
Comment by Colbymarshall — May 12, 2008 @ 10:08 pm |
I think journaling is a healthy way to deal with emotions you can’t express, particularly the ugly ones like jealousy and anger. We all throw pity parties in our head from time to time, so getting it out on paper and then closing the cover is a good thing to do. And it saves thousands of dollars on therapy.
Comment by WendyCinNYC — May 13, 2008 @ 6:27 am |
What a great therapy! I’m thrilled to hear that it has been working for you.
Comment by Kathleen — May 13, 2008 @ 9:01 am |
I live in one of the poorest countries on earth. Millions of people cannot afford to have 3 decent meals a day. Many people here think that we have all the problems on earth. If we could just go to Europe or America then we will be very happy. Reading your post makes me fell that human beings have same feelings in all parts of the problem.
Comment by Razib Ahmed — May 13, 2008 @ 12:42 pm |
I think writing is very therapeutic in a lot of situations. I know, for me, there’s something about trying to get my thoughts organized enough to write them that helps the process. Glad it works for you too!
Comment by nancy sv — May 13, 2008 @ 1:31 pm |
I was never much of a diary writer or a journaler either but I did kind of “write out” problems through essays and fiction. Sometimes it’s nice to “fix” problems by allowing characters to solve them for us. In the process, I think it helps us to find closure in our lives. My blog allows me to work through things, express opinions, move on and grow. A little if not a lot. Nice post.
Comment by freshhell — May 13, 2008 @ 2:27 pm |
[...] friend Heather over at For the First Time wrote, “I’ve long said that everything that goes wrong in life is a step closer to things going [...]
Pingback by A Step Closer — May 13, 2008 @ 5:03 pm |
Every time I start journaling, I stop just as quickly. It’s an activity that sounds good, but one I don’t keep up.
Comment by Auria Cortes — May 13, 2008 @ 6:39 pm |
I kept a journal as a teenager and found it incredibly therapeutic. But then I burned them a few years later since there was so much ugliness in there that I didn’t want to carry forward into the rest of my life. Burning them helped me let go.
But there have been other times when I couldn’t write to save my life and as a therapeutic tool, it was useless.
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer, except for a specific individual in a specific set of circumstances. I think it’s very much do what works best at that time.
Comment by Laurie Ashton — May 15, 2008 @ 10:59 pm |
When I write, I write to escape to writing out the things that bother me will only force me to keep reliving them. It’s one of the reasons why I never kept a journal or diary because it gives you the chance to look back and relive a past you don’t necessarily want to relive. I’d rather deal with it and move on.
Comment by Donna — May 17, 2008 @ 8:45 am |
“It’s as though I needed to get it out of my system and let it go.”
I absolutely understand — and I’ve heard other writers talk about this, about how their first piece was the one they had to get out of their systems before they were free to move on and write other things, too.
And about feeling inadequate as a mother…I feel your pain on that one, too. Don’t we all?!
Comment by mamawriter — May 19, 2008 @ 2:24 pm |
I have found the same thing about writing. Helps you take a somewhat objective look at things. I highly recommend writing for therapy, even if it is not intended for publication.
Steve
Comment by stamperdad — May 23, 2008 @ 9:18 am |
I once tried to work out a particularly bad time by writing bitter poetry. It didn’t work for me; it seemed to make things hurt more. I remember reading a poem I’d written then later to a circle of poets, and got stunned silence. Finally a girl broke it by saying, “Wow, who do you hate?”
Comment by Mad Scientist Matt — May 23, 2008 @ 7:33 pm |
[...] Cortes Life in Scribbletown Polyamory From the Inside Out For the First Time Family On Bikes Writes in the City Elf Killing and Other Hobbies Rotating Bear Fantastical [...]
Pingback by Grow A Set « Fantastical Imagination — May 24, 2008 @ 8:37 am |
Writing for therapy never worked for me. I tend to bottle up my feelings even when I’m writing and not be able to just write something down. So, in the end I’d write crap and still wouldn’t feel any better..
Comment by Snowflake — May 25, 2008 @ 5:27 am |