Try It On!

As a “plus-size” girl, it’s easy to walk through any store looking at all of the things you think are adorable only to find that they don’t have your size. Many times, it seems as though buyers think that the only people in the world who are overweight are either in the senior set or don’t care how they look.

This week, I had an interview that I knew I had to look good for. I ran to Target after a meeting at school praying they’d have something that looked decent. As usual, the plus size section was about four racks, all either too old for me or too casual for an interview. Yes, I know I could have found something professional looking at the mall, but time and money were factors.

I wandered to the misses section on the off chance that something would fit. What I found pleasantly surprised me. I found a skirt that I was sure wouldn’t look the greatest and four shirts that fit the bill. They were professional looking and my size was in stock.

I’ve never been one to visit the fitting room, but again, there was no time for something to look good on the hanger and not on the body. I took the five items in, changed into the skirt, and started trying on shirts. The first, my favorite on the hanger, would have worked if they had one size larger. It pulled in all the wrong places. The second was okay, but nothing I’d want for an interview. The third was a good possibility. The last top, the one I was sure I wouldn’t like and had only grabbed because of the size, fit perfectly and hid my trouble spots.

A quick trip to get some hose to smooth and contain and I was out the door! The outfit must have helped me make the right impression, they want to set up a second interview. Too bad I probably won’t take the job because of the location and school, but it’s nice to know that I succeeded!

Back to School – Majors

Over the summer, I have been looking into going back to school.  It’s something I’ve wanted to do for quite some time but always found a reason to wait.  In just over a month, I will be a college freshman.  13 years after leaving high school, I will begin the next step in my life.

I’ve flip-flopped quite a bit on what I want to be when I grow up.  I enjoy marketing and think I would do well at it.  I briefly toyed with the thought of web programming, but I’m not sure that’s something I’m cut out to do for the rest of my life.  I did a career assessment profile, and over 20 of the top matches based on my skills and interests involved teaching.  I have thought about counseling off and on throughout my adult life.

The truth is, I’m 30 and while I know what road I’m traveling now, I don’t know where it will lead.  For that reason, I am focusing on my general studies first and I will see what interests me when I’m in class.  I am going to do some informational interviewing with people in the fields I’m interested in, and would love to job-shadow if possible.  All of these will help me make the right decision for myself.

As much as Facebook kicked me in the pants to go back to school by allowing me to see what some of my classmates have done, it’s also shown me the importance of finding a major that interests me.  For every person who has established a successful career in their field there is another who is doing nothing related to their degree.  I’ve talked to a couple of those who aren’t making use of their education, and they have all said it’s because they thought they wanted to do something and went for that without realizing it wasn’t for them.

Hopefully by the time I complete 30 credits and apply for transfer to UW-Madison I will have some idea.  For now, my focus is on keeping my GPA high enough to secure my transfer and to be eligible for one of two honor societies on campus.

Moving On or Running Away?

Things have been beyond crazy here, in a good way!  Here’s an excerpt from the latest Kiera Colby story.  This character drives me nuts sometimes!  The life circumstances are different, but I definitely see pieces of myself in her.

Kiera swept the bangs out of her eyes as she searched through the online classified ads. It had been six months since her husband, Brady, had died in a car accident and the home they had created felt like a prison since that December morning. As much as she couldn’t stand the thought of leaving the two-bedroom house on Locust Street, she knew she couldn’t stay.

Moving to a new town was something that caused Kiera much anxiety. She was worried that without any friends in the area to help her, she would unknowingly move her five year old daughter, Ashley, to a less than desirable part of Little Rock.

The small tech company Kiera worked for had an office in Little Rock with a human resource manager vacancy. Although she’d never been away from Wisconsin, she’d submitted her resume. Less than a month later, Kiera had completed two phone interviews, flown to Arkansas for a face-to-face interview, and was offered the position. Now, the only thing left to do was find a suitable apartment for the two of them.

As she reached for the phone to inquire about a two bedroom, she was startled to hear it ring. The ring tone warned that it was her mother.

“Hi, mom,” Kiera answered with a sigh. Since she’d announced that they would be moving, every conversation with her mother was the same: endless nagging about losing daily contact with her daughter and granddaughter.

“Kiera, I was hoping you and Ashley would come over for dinner,” her mother stated flatly.

Despite the lack of the usual complaining, Kiera knew it was a trap. . Her father had remained silent about her decision to move away, but tact was not a skill her mother possessed. During a time when she wanted nothing more than to be supported by her family, she felt alienated by them. Kiera hated disagreeing with her parents, but she knew she was making the right decision.

“We’ll have to see, mom. I have to make some phone calls today and then I have to sort through some more stuff. There’s so much left to do, I’m not sure we’ll be able to make it.”

“I really hope you’ll think about it.” Her mother sounded upset. “I’ll make extra so we’ll be sure to have enough.”

Kiera hated guilt trips, and knew that she was about to find herself stuck on one very soon. Mom, it’s not going to work, she said to herself, trying to stay strong. “I’ll try. The move is in less than a month and if I don’t find an apartment, I’m in trouble.”

“Do what you have to do.” Karen Ashby issued a sigh of her own. “I was just thinking that once the two of you move, we won’t see you, that’s all. Mrs. Genin’s daughter moved away, you know. She said they’d be back to visit as often as they could. Now, Andrea has had two children since she and her husband moved to New Mexico. You know Mrs. Genin has yet to meet them?”

“Mom, we’re not moving to the complete opposite side of country. It’s just a few states away.”

“You say that now, but how will Ashley deal with not getting to spend weekends here anymore? How will you deal with not having a break to just be yourself?”

Kiera had to admit that she and Ashley would both miss the time with her family. “Well, if I wasn’t on the phone with you right now, I’d be getting everything done. Let me let you go make my calls and sort through this mess.”

” See you about six?”

“Yes, mom. We’ll be there by six.” Kiera groaned, her mother’s words resonating in her head.

Learning to Have Style

Choosing accessories to go with a cute summer top should not cause one to hyperventilate in Target, nor should it have one on the verge of tears.  Shouldn’t, but it did.  I was about 10 seconds from finding the nearest “stylish girl” and dragging her over to help me.  Luckily, I didn’t totally bust, Rick said one of the necklaces looks good, the other will look good with something, just not what I bought today.

Some women are born with style, others learn from those around them.  Having a mother who had no problem going out in sweatpants, had the same makeup for years (probably still has the same stuff she had when I was in school), and thought a banana clip was the perfect hair restraint, has left me somewhat screwed.

I’m 30 years old and trying to figure out how in the hell to wear something other than cotton.  There are only a few types of shirts in my bedroom.  Casual t-shirts (aka, free crap you get from somewhere), ribbed tank tops, solid color polos, and “dress” t-shirts.  No shape, no patterns, nothing girly.

Before today, I owned two necklaces, the one my husband bought for Christmas last year and the one I bought for a job interview this week.  It’s only been about 7 months that I’ve had a jewelry box.

In the pants department, denim and cotton is about all you get.  Oh, and some very oversized dress pants from after I gave birth and had to go back to work.

Slowly, I’m learning how to do this.  Every week (I’m shooting for Saturdays) I am going to write a little of what I’ve learned.  And as with everything in my life, it will be on a budget.  It looks like I may be heading back into the “office world” rather than the food industry soon, so I have to rebuild my wardrobe.

This week’s lesson applied (thanks to “What Not to Wear” for the lesson):
Have clothes tailored. Rather than buying something that looks okay overall but may be loose in some areas and pulling in others, buy for the biggest part of your body and have them altered.  I’ll be taking the clearance pants I bought to the cleaners on Monday to see what they can do and how much it’ll cost.  I found a $55 pair of Lane Bryant dress slacks on clearance for $19.99 plus another 50% off this weekend.  I think I can afford to have the legs taken in a little!  I’ll also take in the pants that are too big in the waist, maybe they can do something so those aren’t a total loss!

Expectations for Holidays

When parents divorce, holidays become a carefully choreographed dance. Time has to be split between families to give everyone time with the kids. When the children are grown, things get even more complicated. Once the children married, they have to execute a dance between not only their own parents, but also their in-laws.

Whether it’s a fourth of July barbecue, a birthday, Thanksgiving, or Christmas, parents need to understand that they are not the only person demanding time of their children. Everyone needs to remain flexible, traditional celebrations may need to be altered. If your family celebrates Christmas on the evening of Christmas Eve and your son’s in-laws are celebrating at the same time, you need to understand that they will can not be in two places at the same time. Both families need to compromise, discuss what the most important parts of the evening are. It is then your child’s job to figure out how to spend their time.

If your son and his wife choose to join her family on Christmas Eve because they go to midnight mass but you want them to share time with you without being rushed, it may be time to consider celebrating on another day. Standing your ground and demanding them to find time on Christmas Eve for you could easily backfire, either they skip your celebration completely or they join you out of obligation rather than desire.

Another thing to keep in mind is that being the adult child is no easy job, not to mention one your children never asked for. No one wants to juggle their time and their family more than necessary. From the perspective of an adult child of divorce, scheduling family time can be outright torture. There is a feeling of guilt if you push traditions to be changed to accommodate the new family structure. There is a worry that someone will be offended or feel they aren’t getting equal time. Rather than enjoying themselves, they are watching the clock to be sure they don’t run late for the next meal.

If you are a grandparent, be assured that your child is dealing with increasingly crabby children of their own as they are ferried from one event to another and then passed from relative to relative. Kids can only take so much. Many times, a single dinner is enough to put a young child over the edge, much less two in a day or three or more in two days.

By the time they arrive at your house, don’t be surprised if your daughter-in-law’s hair is a mess and your son is racing towards the fridge. Hand her a brush, him a beer, and give your little baby some love. Give them a few minutes to compose themselves before putting the food on the table. Don’t talk to them, they will talk to you once they recover from the ride.

Holidays are a time for family togetherness. If you have to celebrate the fourth of July on the fourteenth, Christmas on New Year’s, and Thanksgiving in December, that’s okay. Your family will be better if they are relaxed and not rushed. Your time will be cherished if everyone works together. If you choose to dig in your heels, don’t be surprised if your kids can tell their friends what the “record time” is for a family function. Ours is 42 minutes from food hitting the table to our car doors closing.

Continuing Education

I’m learning more and more about myself and the world around me every day.  I hate to say that many of these lessons are being taught through the University of Facebook.  Today’s lesson is that the people you knew in high school may not be the same people you find 13 years later on a social networking site.

Since becoming a bit more active on Facebook, I’ve been getting in touch with more and more former classmates.  There are some it’s nice to find, others who brought out the “fat girl” and the geek in me.  I didn’t request to be their friend because I wasn’t cool enough to be their friend in school.  I figured they would laugh at my request and never think of it again.  I don’t know why that would bother me, but it kept me from reaching out at first.

Today, I received my second ever Wall post (comment), the first being from my dad.  This one was from someone who I most definitely was not close to in school.  He wished my daughter a happy birthday.  It meant a lot to this completely un-cool girl to get that comment.  Again, I’m not sure why.

As peanut and I left for the swimming pool, it hit me.  He’s not the same guy I knew back then.  We’ve all had 13 years to grow and (hopefully) mature.  I’m sure there are some kids I thought would be the top of their class in everything they did who haven’t done much at all.  I’m sure there are slackers who have reached great heights.  I’m sure there are plenty of us right in the middle.  The fact is, some of these people have let go of everything that happened, all those who snubbed them, etc.  I’m not sure that I had until I received that wall comment.

Tonight, I will reach out to someone standing outside of my comfort zone.  I will not sit along the wall waiting to find out if I’m cool enough to hang out with so-and-so.  If I’m not, who cares.  I’m me and I’m perfectly fine with that!

Happy Birthday Baby!

Growing Up

About a week ago, I logged into Facebook for the first time in almost a year.  Since then, I’ve reconnected with some old friends, found some interesting groups, and become addicted to Mob Wars and Flair.  As much fun as all of that is, I’ve had one painful experience while on Facebook.

I realized it’s been 13 years since I graduated from high school.  There are people I graduated with who have done so much with their lives, and here I sit, desperate to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  Every time I think I’ve figured it out, something changes my mind.

I wish I could figure this out.  Looking at classmates’ profiles, I realize it’s time to grow up.  I’m not saying I have to or even want to have a prestigious title or gobs of money.  I just want to be an adult.  I want to have a career.  I want to know that I’m doing something that matters.

I still want to write.  I still want to go back to school.  I’m leaning towards marketing but have to admit that culinary arts has been calling lately.  My big problem is I want to go to school and come out with a degree I’ll use.  Culinary Arts would be great, but I’m not going to spend that money to be a line cook somewhere.  Marketing is something I love to do but I worry that an Associates won’t be enough to land me a good job.

School starts in just over a month.  I know that I really want to be in a classroom this September.  Now I need to figure out which class!

What’s in a Name?

This is what happens when I do housework.  I have time to think about random crap.

Today’s question:  What’s in a name?  More specifically, how do you address your in-laws and how did you come to that decision?

When I was dating, and later married to, my ex-husband, his parents were Jim and Mary Jo.  Now, my in-laws are Mom and John.  I wouldn’t dare to call John dad since Rick doesn’t, his dad passed away in 1999.

Growing up, my mom called my grandparents Mom and Dad (I think) but my aunt called them Bud and Shirley.  My brother and sister-in-law both call their in-laws by first name.  There are definitely more people I know who call their in-laws by first name, but I also know a few others who refer to them by mom and dad.

In my experience, it has depended on how close I am to my significant other’s parents.  My ex’s mom and I were friendly but not terribly close.  It would have seemed awkward to call her mom.  On the other hand, my husband’s mother and I were extremely close during the years we lived in Nebraska.  It was natural for me to call her mom and I still do today.

I’d love to hear from others on this random thought!

I Hate When She Does That!

There is much debate in writing circles about whether the author writes the story or whether there comes a time when the character comes to life and does as they wish.  While I know that without my fingers crossing the keyboard my characters do nothing, I have to say that I have times where my characters do something I’m not expecting.  I believe that stories evolve in our heads as we write and our imagination may have a different storyline in mind than our brain did when plotting everything out.

For example, I was writing my assignment for class late last night.  I’ve known since I started this assignment that my MC was going to move away to escape the pain of losing her husband.  As I wrote, I realized she couldn’t do that.  It was selfish and would have been devastating to her daughter.  I was so certain she was going to move to another state and start a fresh life that it was hard for me to accept that she wasn’t going to move.  Even though the story turned out better than I had planned, it was an odd feeling.

I wonder if that may be part of the reason I had so much trouble writing this assignment.  For a month, I have been putting it off because every time I sat down my thoughts and words were frozen.  Last night, I forced myself to keep going and once I wasn’t stuck to my original storyline, the words flowed.  Hopefully that was the cause of my block and I will be able to write again!  For the first time in a month, I’m looking forward to my afternoon alone at home so I can write.