Last night, I sat in bed for over an hour listening to my husband snore. I’m normally the one to fall asleep in minutes, so it was odd. I reached over, picked up my journal and a couple of candles. Once the candles were lit, I started to write. I didn’t pay attention to the words, just let the pen flow across the paper.
This morning, I picked up the notebook and read what I wrote. I wrote about my fears and concerns. I’m 30 years old, married, and a mother, yet I feel like I have no direction in my life. I know some things that I would like to do with my life, but I can’t seem to find the passion so many others have found. I love to write, but do I enjoy it enough to pursue it? I am eager to think of new ways to build business at work, I actually enjoy some downtime to see the marketing reports. Does that mean I should go back to school for marketing?
I truly enjoy writing. My main problem is that when I’m blogging, I pay too much attention to what others do. There are many bloggers who write incredibly well and they intimidate me. Some are well versed in politics, something I feel like I should be but I’m not. Others are incredibly funny, and despite people telling me that I have a great personality and sense of humor, I can’t seem to write as well as I can speak. Many blogs are focused, I feel like mine flounders.
When I think of something I would like to write as an article, the idea will be there but I feel lost when trying to convey my thoughts. If it’s something I need to research, I struggle to figure out where to look for accurate information. I feel like this is a hobby, which means I feel guilty if I spend too much time on it.
Creative writing is another obstacle. I can have a great idea in my head, but I struggle to get it on paper. Lately, I’ve been trying to “just write”, hoping that will help me improve. I’m also hoping that by taking a course, I will have feedback from the instructor on what needs to be improved. It’s easy to write crap, but to know it’s crap and be able to improve is entirely different.
I really want to figure out what I want to be when I grow up before it’s too late.