It’s time for my contribution to the May blog chain. This month is unthemed which always makes it interesting. Auria got the chain started by discussing someone she knew who was lying. From there, the next link was FreshHell discussing a former friend and the different truths that are provided by knowing someone in certain circumstances. The link directly before mine is Polyspace, where Kathleen discusses dealing with hateful feelings.
When I first started my blog, I chose “For the First Time” as my title because of where I was in life at the time. I was desperately trying to find myself. I felt lost in being a mother, daughter, sister, friend, and wanted to find myself. “For the First Time” was also the name of my first (and currently collecting dust) work in progress.
Writing became therapy to me. I’m not sure that story is something I could ever share with the world. I started living my life through the main character. Her pain was my own very real pain. As I wrote, I started to see very traumatic times in my life. For the first time, I was dealing with them in my own way. My parents’ divorce and the effect it had on me as an adult child. A bad breakup with my first love, who I didn’t get over for a very long time. My feelings of inadequacy as a mother. My desire to be so much more than I have achieved to this point in my life.
There was bitterness on every page of that story. The funny thing is, since I realized that and stopped writing it, life has gotten better. It’s as though I needed to get it out of my system and let it go. By placing those memories into a fictional story I had done that. Sitting down at my computer brought a peace and calm to my life that I never truly had before I started writing.
Journaling is something I was never very good at. When I would read my words, it felt as though I was throwing a pity party for myself. I’m not sure if it’s healthy to deal with life’s issues this way, but it seems to be working. I’ve long said that everything that goes wrong in life is a step closer to things going right, but now, I feel like I’m better at living by those words.
Next up in the chain is Family on Bikes.